What's a guy to do if he's not 'feeling it'?

Jack says: “I met this girl but I just don’t get the right vibes, no sparks flying. She is very persistent and keeps asking to go out on a date. Should I just go out of politeness or tell her straight that I’m not really feeling it with her?”


Easy peasy — be straight with her, don’t go on a date as she’ll get the wrong idea if you do and it will just all go the wrong direction. Tell her ‘no, sorry, I’m not really looking to date anyone right now, let’s just be friends’…that kind of thing… I mean to be honest if you’re not giving her any signs then she should get the message pretty quickly and it won’t be too difficult to let her down…



It may be a lack of personal chemistry at first sight, if no sparks are flying and you are not ‘feeling it' with her.

Love at 2nd sight

In a massive survey of American singles, over 30% surveyed said ‘they fell in love with someone they did not initially find attractive/not their type. Cupid’s arrow can sometimes strike later when people spend time enjoying each other’s company, discovering similar interests etc. So first impressions can sometimes be wrong!

‘Chrink’ & ‘checking her out’

So unless your gut instinct holler out ‘no way!’, why don’t you invite her out for a ‘chrink’ i.e. a chat and a drink so that you check her out and keep an open mind. Nothing to lose. See if there really is any chemistry, if she is good company, fun and engaging, and if you want to spend more time with her.  You might be in the 30% who decide there is such a thing as love at second sight after all!

But, if you are still ‘not feeling the fireworks’, then nip it in the bud quickly and tell her in a kind and gentlemanly way. No easy or good way to let anyone down but be honest, clear and straightforward about how you feel.

Suggested lines telling her ‘you are not feeling it with him/her

‘You're a great girl and we get on so well, I'd love us to be friends if that's cool with you, but I'm not really looking for anything serious right now, I'm so busy with work and everything else that I don't really want a full-on relationship. But I don't want you to think that I don't want anything to do with you - is it cool if we just stay friends?’

Ally Mackintosh