Is he cheating on me?

Serena says: “My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 months. We have just started at separate universities and see each other twice a month. I have been told that he ‘got with’ a girl on a drunken night a couple of nights ago and spent the night with her. I feel very angry and betrayed but I really like him and I don’t want to lose him. What should I do?”

Ally

Obviously, the first thing is to ask him if it is true. 

If he blames it on being wasted, literally laugh in his face, hang up the phone and walk away. It is totally unacceptable behaviour and I am sure you are tempted to use those scissors....! Nothing is more irritating - you’re not brain dead just because you’re drunk!!

But, if he owns up and is genuinely sorry, then give him another chance. Everyone makes mistakes. If it was just a 'get with' and nothing more it’s bad, but not disastrous.

But you gotta have to put your foot down and be very clear let him that one more strike and he is out! You are so done. I know: Easier said than done as you have feelings for him but you must be strong enough in yourself to know that someone who doesn’t really care or value you enough  and is easily side tracked is not worth your love.  It bloody hurts like hell because you want to trust him. You convince yourself he will change. But if it happens again, he must go. Walk away and don’t let him treat you like a rug to wipe his feet. If he is a good guy, his balls will ache and he will realise what an enormous mistake he’s made and will come crawling back in a couple of months. Get him where you want him girlfriend! Don't settle for less!

Top Tip: Don’t cry over boys. Do some squats and make them cry, wishin’ they still had that ass!

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SMS

Confront him calmly (no accusatory hysterics) but hold off the scissors for now!

Ally is right — confront him calmly (no accusatory hysterics) and check if the rumours are true. Listen to what he says and what he does not say.

‘Fessing up, groveling…second chances...’

If he fesses up, grovels and begs for forgiveness, shows his remorse and promises it won't happen again, then he should be given a second chance. He is clearly taking responsibility for his actions. Forgiveness is a powerful act and if he is a good guy, he will greatly appreciate you for doing so. But you must now set clear boundaries and be crystal clear what you will and won’t tolerate.

Otherwise, he is ‘toast’

If he shows little/no remorse for his actions, or tries to justify his behaviour, then he is ‘toast’ and should be dropped like a bag of rotting potatoes. This disrespectful attitude suggests it will happen again and again. Why would you settle for that?

Fact:

Cheating in undergraduate relationships is common as many men find monogamy challenging and cheating is easier than asking for an open relationship. It is believed that up to 75% undergraduates have been unfaithful at college.

Statistics:

The more men cheat, the higher the chances are they will continue to cheat.

 

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Ally Mackintosh